Monday, November 19, 2012

Here's Hoping

Butterflies, giddy and relationship. If you go by the dictionary definitions of these three words, they have absolutely nothing in common. A flying insect with brightly colored wings, the sensation of whirling and a tendency to fall and stagger and the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave towards one another. But they take on an entirely different meaning when you're talking about a girl liking a boy. Everything gets turned upside down and butterflies turn into a feeling you get in your stomach when you think about them, hear their name brought up in conversation or lock eyes from across the room. Giddy transforms into jumping up and down with your friends because he asked you to go to dinner and relationship morphs into your main goal in life because you've finally found a nice guy. 

Of course the meaning of all of these words hinges on whether or not you have someone to attach the meaning to. If you don't and you're single and bitter, most likely you are going to stick with the dictionary definitions and avoid all things "couply". If you're interested in someone, talking or already in a relationship, best to look at the second set of definitions. In my situation, I prefer to stick with the dictionary definitions because I have been burned one to many times by falling for the girly definitions. You can just call me your single and bitter friend. Then there is that friend who wants to stick with the real definitions but is losing the battle and being pulled to the dark side because she met a new boy she is "smitten" with, let's call her your Robin, like from How I Met Your Mother, friend. Now lets talk about your friend who falls hard and fast for all three girly definitions, she is a hopeless romantic, if you will. She found a guy who is trying relentlessly to make her fall for him and the two of them together look like a Ralph Lauren ad, let's call her your "post card" ready friend. And finally, we have your happily engaged friends who are buying houses, planning weddings and making you wish for everything they have, we're going to call them your "I Wish I Had Your Life" friends. But don't worry if you are the single and bitter friend, eventually the majority of your friends will end up single again or you will find someone who accepts your bitterness and converts you to once again believing in the girly definitions. Here's hoping.

Guest writer Kerry Keyes

Saturday, November 3, 2012

"That Girl"

I've never been "that girl" the one every guy wants to buy a drink, ask on a date, or have conversations with his buddies about how hot and bangable I am. Nope, I'm the girl that sits with all those guys and tries to convince them that sleeping with every girl in town won't get them anywhere; except a trip to the ER to be treated for an STD. I'm the girl that all the guys wanna be best friends with but never date. But I know "that girl", actually I'm best friends with three of them. Which as you can imagine doesn't make getting a guy any easier. Especially when all my guys friends want to know is how they can get into the pants three of my best friends'. I don't blame guys for drooling over them, what can I say they're gorgeous. Having gorgeous friends and horny guy friends has helped me master my matchmaking and wing-man skills though. Plus is doesn't hurt that I can read people and have a wealth of excellent relationship advice.

Unfortunately, the reason I'm so good at these jobs is because I'm cursed. I can help everyone else with their relationships and romantic woes but when it comes to things of the romantic variety I'm a total train wreck.All of my past relationships have come up winners in the horrible relationship lottery. Needless to say, I haven't learned from my past mistakes; I just keep making them the only thing that changes is the guy's name. I've come to accept the fact that I'm a magnet for assholes, they are drawn to me for some reason and I fall for it every time. But like the quotes on Pinterest tell me I'm trying to "forget what hurt me, but never forget what it taught me". We'll see how that goes.