This is what happens when...

It’s always interesting to see how people react when they are backed into a corner and given no other option but to tell the truth. You see every emotion dance across their face before they land on one they think is appropriate for the situation, hoping all the while you didn’t notice the fear, hurt, shock and lies make their way through. But you did and it gave you a jolt of excitement because it made you realize for those brief moments you were totally in control of that other person.

Then they are ready to explain themselves and you see their lips are moving but the only thing you can hear is; “I betrayed you, lied about it, threw our friendship away and wasn’t bothered by it”….now what they are actually saying sounds something like, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I don’t want you to be mad anymore and if you just give me a chance to explain”. But you don’t want to hear any pre-planned, well thought out explanations. You got your answer in the heat of the moment when no one was thinking and everyone was just screaming how they really felt.

You realized sexual attraction trumps friendship, every time. 

This is what we call a Catch 22

I have discovered over the past several months that certain things in life just aren't any kind of fair, like trying to find a job after graduating college with a Bachelor's Degree in Telecommunications. I have hit a wall in my pre and post graduate search for a career because according to my potential employers I don't have enough experience. My four years in college taking 18 credit hours each semester doesn't seem to count for much. Which is surprising considering all of the different roles I had to play for classes. I've been a reporter, anchor, camera person, director, videographer, producer, editor, sound engineer, newspaper reporter, radio VJ, documentarian along with being a student employee. How much more experience do you want out of one person? 

I know that I should have tried to have more internships but I had to be practical and maintain a job to help pay for college, put gas in my car, have somewhere to live and food so I didn't starve. The only problem is all of that plus the staying up until 4 a.m. editing video for a documentary, or scrambling to set up interviews each week for a student run television program don't fit on the 8x11 piece of paper I send in. The only thing they see are my name, degree, that I've had one professional internship and quite a few, unrelated to my degree, summer jobs; but what else do I need to include that would attract a potential job offer? All of the responses I've received say their only complaint is I don't have enough experience; this is where the wall comes into play. Since I graduated in December I'm not eligible for internships anymore and I can't find a job because I need more experience but no one is willing to hire me so I can get that experience. This is what most people would call a Catch 22. 

So the big question is how do I get out of this Catch 22 I currently find myself in? I'm hoping that an employer will overlook my "lack of experience" and see I can make up for it with determination, a willingness to learn and an unmatched eagerness to begin my career. Fingers crossed everyone.

What if you like it?

I always said I'd be happier alone. Someone in your life all the time? Sounds like more trouble than it's worth. Apparently, I was wrong. My heart decided to go rogue and make decisions without consulting my hear. Since my head knew falling in love was a dangerous idea, but you don't choose to fall in love, it just happens. 

You fall for the person who is all wrong and all right for you at the same time. Whose unpleasant ways, you find oddly charming along with the dark and twisty parts of their personality that bring a sideways grin creeping across your face. And you know you love them so much except sometimes they drive you completely insane, no one can explain it. The reason it's so confusing and terrifying is because it's love, but the reason I always said I'd be happier alone wasn't because I actually wanted to be alone. It was because I thought that if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you survive that kind of pain? 

Like doctors always say the human body is amazingly resilient and can bounce back from almost anything.

Movie Moment

     Have you ever wanted someone to utter one simple sentence so badly you feel it in your soul? Affairs of the heart will often do those things, you picture in your mind exactly how the moment is going to play out. After waiting and daydreaming he finally gathers up the courage to tell you how he feels. The unfortunate part is your leading man thinks he is meant to be playing the role of best supporting actor. He has no idea the movie that rolls in your dreams is about you and him. Because the scene you two are currently acting out has him is off happy with his latest conquest and you being the always supportive best friend listening intently and giving advice. All the while your screaming inside "Hello! I'm right here why can't you see that?" Alas your front is far to convincing for him to be any the wiser to your forbidden desires. But when is the right time to bring him into the light and share with him your secrets? Something such as this must be handled with extreme care and preparation. He must be eased into the idea so as not to startle him and trigger his urge to flee. Once the leading lady drops the bomb on her leading man the audience awaits with baited breathe for his reaction...

Lion King Wisdom

Do you know why everyone loves a good dream? Because in dreams peoples lives are exactly how they always pictured them: perfect job, drop dead gorgeous boyfriend/husband, breathtaking house and a closet that would make any woman green with envy. Then you hear the buzzing of your alarm clock and are forced to face reality, you work two part-time jobs so you can live in a one bedroom apartment, that drop dead gorgeous boyfriend/husband is only a character in a movie and you've seen shoe boxes bigger than your closet. The reason we try to escape into our dreams is because there no one is judging us, there are no expectations that have to be met, the past doesn't exist and we can be anything we want. Well here is the problem with that, you cannot run from your problems forever. Rafiki from The Lion King taught me that, "ah yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." Of course we all know what Simba did, he quit running from his past, took ownership of his mistakes and reclaimed his place as the rightful King of Pride Rock.

The past can be a daunting thing to try and overcome especially since not all of us have a crazy baboon hitting us on the head with a walking stick it's a bit harder for us to face our demons. But if there is one thing I've learned it's everything in your past, present and future will leave a mark. Some of those marks are visible, like the scar I will always have from getting my appendix removed. Then again there are those invisible marks that are a bit harder to explain; for instance, why I feel the need to be cold and uncaring when it comes to relationships. Both of these examples are from my past and I have learned from them; for a long time however, I ran from the fact that I am not a big relationship person because I find it extremely difficult to trust people. Running from your past only allows it to consume your future, so do what Simba did and stop running from your past, instead learn from it and allow it to make you a better more improved version of yourself. 

Here's Hoping

Butterflies, giddy and relationship. If you go by the dictionary definitions of these three words, they have absolutely nothing in common. A flying insect with brightly colored wings, the sensation of whirling and a tendency to fall and stagger and the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave towards one another. But they take on an entirely different meaning when you're talking about a girl liking a boy. Everything gets turned upside down and butterflies turn into a feeling you get in your stomach when you think about them, hear their name brought up in conversation or lock eyes from across the room. Giddy transforms into jumping up and down with your friends because he asked you to go to dinner and relationship morphs into your main goal in life because you've finally found a nice guy. 

Of course the meaning of all of these words hinges on whether or not you have someone to attach the meaning to. If you don't and you're single and bitter, most likely you are going to stick with the dictionary definitions and avoid all things "couply". If you're interested in someone, talking or already in a relationship, best to look at the second set of definitions. In my situation, I prefer to stick with the dictionary definitions because I have been burned one to many times by falling for the girly definitions. You can just call me your single and bitter friend. Then there is that friend who wants to stick with the real definitions but is losing the battle and being pulled to the dark side because she met a new boy she is "smitten" with, let's call her your Robin, like from How I Met Your Mother, friend. Now lets talk about your friend who falls hard and fast for all three girly definitions, she is a hopeless romantic, if you will. She found a guy who is trying relentlessly to make her fall for him and the two of them together look like a Ralph Lauren ad, let's call her your "post card" ready friend. And finally, we have your happily engaged friends who are buying houses, planning weddings and making you wish for everything they have, we're going to call them your "I Wish I Had Your Life" friends. But don't worry if you are the single and bitter friend, eventually the majority of your friends will end up single again or you will find someone who accepts your bitterness and converts you to once again believing in the girly definitions. Here's hoping.

Guest writer Kerry Keyes

"That Girl"

I've never been "that girl" the one every guy wants to buy a drink, ask on a date, or have conversations with his buddies about how hot and bangable I am. Nope, I'm the girl that sits with all those guys and tries to convince them that sleeping with every girl in town won't get them anywhere; except a trip to the ER to be treated for an STD. I'm the girl that all the guys wanna be best friends with but never date. But I know "that girl", actually I'm best friends with three of them. Which as you can imagine doesn't make getting a guy any easier. Especially when all my guys friends want to know is how they can get into the pants three of my best friends'. I don't blame guys for drooling over them, what can I say they're gorgeous. Having gorgeous friends and horny guy friends has helped me master my matchmaking and wing-man skills though. Plus is doesn't hurt that I can read people and have a wealth of excellent relationship advice.

Unfortunately, the reason I'm so good at these jobs is because I'm cursed. I can help everyone else with their relationships and romantic woes but when it comes to things of the romantic variety I'm a total train wreck.All of my past relationships have come up winners in the horrible relationship lottery. Needless to say, I haven't learned from my past mistakes; I just keep making them the only thing that changes is the guy's name. I've come to accept the fact that I'm a magnet for assholes, they are drawn to me for some reason and I fall for it every time. But like the quotes on Pinterest tell me I'm trying to "forget what hurt me, but never forget what it taught me". We'll see how that goes.